Come To Your Husband's Rescue

Two wheels of a cart, they have to pull togetherman's mind. According to Dr Meenakshi Martins, a
to come out of any crisis.psychiatrist and member, State Commission for
Laura, a UK-based school professor was blissfullywomen, the first sign of mental disturbance is
unaware of the messy state of her husband'slistlessness and other early symptoms are
financial affairs until one dark day, she was joltedwithdrawal from everything, eating too much,
by the threatening phone calls from a financespending a lot of time with the Internet,
company demanding immediate return of thesleeplessness, heavy drinking, etc... As for
money lent to her husband. She was in for morelong-term signs, Dr Martins warns of hypertension,
shocks... The jewels in the locker of their safediabetes due to prolonged stress and mental
was missing! It was only then Laura came toillness if there is a family history of mental illness
know of the financial mess her husband was in.and also .. depending on the level of stress and his
He had heavily borrowed for unexplained reasonsemotional coping ability.
and sold the jewels to raise finance.Hypomania which is less harmful than full mania,
She felt so devastated and betrayed that shesuicidal tendencies, irrational behaviour and
started disparaging and grilling him. Her daily grillingemotional violence on women are described by
was so traumatising that her husband threatenedher as some of the serious symptoms.
to stay away from home and his healthEven if she does not have a clear picture of the
deteriorated. She panicked and realised that thewhole mess; even if she is not fully aware of
confrontational attitude and the constant runningwhat he is passing through, the early symptoms
him down was only making matters worse andof his inner turmoil should be enough to alert the
may even lead to disastrous consequences. It didwife and make her rise to the occasion.
not take her long to decide that she must play aHere are a few important tips for successfully
constructive role so as to raise her husband'sguiding your man through the morass of
dipping morale.complications, apprehensions and uncertainties
Better Half - Best Supportbogging him down:
Problems in the workplace, tottering business andBe all ears and eyes so that you are able to
consequent financial problems, legal wrangles,detect when and if anything about him goes
implication in a crime, downslide in career,amiss and you can step in at the right moment
complicated extramarital affairs - these are someand even rescue him from what is threatening to
of the crisis factors that entangle the victim in abe a grave crisis. There are cases of women
traumatising situation. The more sensitive andtaking up the cudgels to redeem the honour of
chicken-hearted a person is greater thetheir husbands. Even if he is not forthcoming, and
psychological damage suffered by him. The sadsuppresses serious facts about his predicament,
fact is that in many a case the woman is kept indraw him out of his shell. Put your heads together
the dark and the gravity of her husband'sand explore various options to come out of the
predicament is revealed to her only at a latermess.
stage.It is at times when the person's morale is at its
Some men, especially the introverted andlowest, it requires a lot of concern and care to
uncommunicative ones keep their women totallyboost his morale. Psychologist Diane Papalia says,
in the dark and hide the crisis from her. A sense"Spouses can help each other deal with stress by
of guilt and shame prevent many from disclosingshowing their love and support and by helping
the facts of the situation. They prefer suffering ineach other understand what is happening and how
silence rather than disturbing her peace. "My wifeto deal with it." Avoid putdowns and demoralising
is too nervous and fretful to bear the blow, henceremarks and help him to cultivate positive outlook.
I avoid confiding in her and play down theMen with low self-esteem and very little
seriousness of the problems on my career front,"self-confidence may require counselling sessions or
says David, a marketing company employee.psychiatric help during the crisis. Dr Martins points
Those who cannot bottle up the inner conflictsout that if the stress is mild, emotional support
and anxieties and who depend a lot on theircan go a long way in de-stressing but if the
wives' support make a clean breast of every bitstress is serious, medical intervention with the help
of the crisis and share all their woes with her.of mental health professionals is required. But as
What about couples who don't get along well withMartins remarks, "The most difficult situation is
each other, between whom a wall of bitternessconvincing the man about the need for
exists? In such cases, the husband may totallytreatment." The man's ego comes in the way of
exclude her from the messy goings-on or provideadmitting the mental illness or depression.
her as little insight as possible into his troubles. ButMartins who deals with cases of abused women
the fact is the wife can exercise a majorpoints out that the affected men don't want to
influence and can be the instrument of arrestingaccept the mental illness and accuse the wife of
her husband becoming a wreck. She can make orbeing paranoid and ask her to have a check-up.
mar the chances of his recovery.Timely steps taken to revive the tumbling morale
Rise Up To The Challengeand boost his spirits as soon as the symptoms
Having lived with the man under the same roofare manifest, will go a long way in preventing his
for years, the wife cannot fail to noticeturning into a wreck and who else but the man's
unmistakable symptoms of disturbed state of thelife partner alone can do that.